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Sunday, March 06, 2005

im starting to feel the dryness.
siannz...
just now lead pnw in cg.. tried smth. didnt really work out and i was like shaking.. then this gurl.. duno her name.. directly opp me... and was staring at me... -.-
then what else. went to 9am with cindy..
got saboed to be watchlighter... [-.-]
during cg we had sharing.. after my turn.. after lingquan's turn... started to feel really..down.... i duno how to describe la.. wanted some time alone.. yeah.. so excused myself.. went to the stairs.. 1min later ser came.. then we talked la. talked... then cindy came to tell us cg is almost over... and realised tt i got abit fever.. so prayed for me.. actually she ask why i went out but i duno what to tell her.. so i say... erh.. not feeling well..
speedlight... wanted to kneel but oh well... it's like really as if a thousand eyes staring at me... very not nice.. yeahh... the service was like for praying.. for the SOS outreach next week..
then got adhoc watchlight briefing... attended last year so i could escape.. heh heh.. anyway oso got GM... flew to the shammah room... yeah... briefing on the ushering next week. then we went as a ministry upstairs to pray. with the other leaders... laid hands on the chairs and all.. yahh...


feeling so sian... i want to get rid of this feeling.. it's like just a fake outer shell... the cheerfulness and all.
maybe what lingquan said is right eh.. i'm depressed.. i duno la.. argh..
so numb..
im like overtiring myself.. just work and work.. i dun care alr.. everytime i sit down.. be still and what.. like in cg today.. sit down listen to the sharing.. and all the feelings of weariness.. of tiredness.. of stress and whatnot.. just hit me.. it always happens and i cant take it..
and im trying to 'comfort' others when i cant even manage myself. crap sia.


we are going to miss you girll.... but commit all to God yah.. let his will be done... duno what are his plans.. his reasons... but we know they are plans to prosper...

Life is so RANDOM.
6:20 PM

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