"the irony about drawing strength is that drawing requires strength too. so use lil more strength.. and you get the pun"
thinking about it.
Life is so RANDOM.
5:58 PM
5:58 PM
sorry to do this again.
7 hours 29400mins 17640000secs.
it's been a long time eh. i've known her for 1year and almost two months.
people who know abt it have been telling me that it's part and parcel of life.
i duno how i'll react tml. cry? wads the use? crying over split milk.
mum dun let me go TM with her. it's my first[okay maybe not first but you get the thing], and prolly the next one will be a loooong time away. cant she please understand? maybe she lost too many good frens and is numbed.
but i'm not. i feel that.. youknowwhat.
my prayer for her is that she'll continue to trust in God. thank God that He allowed our paths to cross.
Lord please keep my emotions bottled.. just for that few hours. give me Your joy.
"it is not that He loved His Son any less, but because He knew His Son could love us even more"
maybe like mainey, i'm sinking into
the headache's back. will appreciate prayers. and hugs, if you wish too.
sorry if this post is depressing. chocs make me feel slightly better. but the phlegm is getting me.
hais. saying too many sorries cuz i'm convinced that evt's my fault.
Life is so RANDOM.
4:52 PM
4:52 PM
warraggghhhh... rain rain rain please comeeee
just came back from HBP. sianx.. 2 degrees away from spinal op. who cares, i'm not going for any braces/op or wadever. blah.
head still hurting and i dun want take medicine...
waited one hr for them to retrive my x ray. crap sia.. so LONG ! and in the doc's office only five mins..-_-.. didnt really listen to his talking.. was stoning. anw i alr know wads gna happen. wad for listen to it again? almost cried, so to say. but i didnt... cant in front of my parents.
going to cindy's house later for tuition. yay i love her house. (:
God is just one step away.. are you willing to take that step of faith?
Life is so RANDOM.
1:19 PM
1:19 PM
today is fun fun fun. except for my blowup with jacob and mr tan's last day.. mr tan rocks sia. had 3 hrs of practical.. yays. sooo coool.. chemistry !
at night, went for holy ghost meeting. while eating saw nic at the next table.. then blahblah.. found lingquan and jiajun.. went for dinner.. [again!] and sat with linda, lingquan, patrina, nic, jolynn, cheney and ldrs in my div.. [so many] it was so cool lah... nic pat and jolynn rcved the gift of tongues ! went to the altar to.. err "support" them.. was standing in front of lq and the altar was superrr packed.. yea i tot he wanted to move forward budden suddenly he just put his hand on me and prayed.. so sweet. thanks brother. i did wad vin did to me; i pulled him and pray for him back. heh. got all nervous so i made it short and sweet. haha.
then we went back to our seats right.. and the real Holy Spirit outpouring came. finally broke thru the pride and knelt down b4 God.. a broken spirit and a contrite heart he will not despise.. got really refreshed.. it was awesome. (: i wished that it didnt end ! bahahaha..
head is hurting like mad now.. again.. i bind it in Jesus name... (:
Life is so RANDOM.
10:45 PM
10:45 PM
when there seems to be no way..
sigh. God please make a way.. i realllllllyyy want to go on sunday but would my folks hear of it? :(
well.. feeling headachey and sore throat.. again. why is this happening.. afternoon met tiffy and amanda at TM.. fun fun fun.. heh.
sigh sigh sigh.. Lord it's my last and yet it has to be booked up.. please free the day for me.. amen.
Life is so RANDOM.
9:14 PM
9:14 PM
"and i must tell you this, im a christian"
when i heard that.. i didnt know wad to feel.. yes he is a christian, but is he showing it? it's hard to believe. i mean... i dun want to judge. okay anw i have no right to say tt.
dumb day today. shant eleborate... but enjoy mua new template ! [see what i mean, alicia? ^^]
;my soul is restored at Your feet; You'll never leave me alone..
what a friend we have in Jesus. (:
Life is so RANDOM.
8:05 PM
8:05 PM
down with algebra... sigh sigh sigh.
im perfectly fine when i dun see it. tml got test and i think i'll fail it.. sorry if i'm so discouraging but i cant help it. cuz i'm discouraged.
and to make it worse mum is having some dumb mood swings. and affecting my mood too. oh thanks ah mum.
sigh.. when i'm feeling better this blog will have a makeover. heh. (:
; all to Jesus i surrender..
Life is so RANDOM.
8:41 PM
8:41 PM
warraghhh.. chging template sooon... when im less bz... tiffffyyyy tempted me.. hahaha..
just finished art exam prep.. argh heck it lah.. sian lor.. and my art is horrrrible...
today felt a little unwell.. maybe due to tiredness.. went to central to eat and do proj.. blah blah..
discovered this guy's music... veryyyyy nice.. he's super talented sehx... the owner of taylor guitar, so i heard... shall chg song soon too.. lalala...
read this person's blog.. so envious of his rs with his bro... sigh.. i wish my r/s with sis is that nice too.. they say it'll turn better as we grow up.. maybe.. i hope so.
take all of me has been ringing on my mind all day..
[[You walk the mountain tops for me, with You i walk thru the valleys.....
love that's stronger, love that covers sin and takes the weight of the word...
and i love You, all of my hope is in You.. Jesus Christ, take my life.. take all of me.. ]]
and btw.. i failed my science test by a miserable ONE MARK... feel so madd... one mark onlyyy!! thank God, i dun think need to sign.. but it'll be my parents knowledge one day anw.. sigh sigh sigh.
Life is so RANDOM.
10:23 PM
10:23 PM
'being humble is where you know that you are weak and nothing when you are before the Lord. That only thru Him you can overcome, and have the strength and wisdom. So now you are in the Lord.. meaning you should know your identity in Christ.. that you can live life exceedingly....being humble to me is more like telling the Lord.. i can't do it without You. But low self esteem is where u say u just can't do it.'
thanks Lord for showing this to me... cant imagine me without You, the keeper and sustainer of my life.
feeling very weak now... please show Your strength through me..
Life is so RANDOM.
8:05 PM
8:05 PM
yesterday night was fun... la la feast!! [clam feast]
went to cash converters to sell our junk.. SO MANY... and in the end only 43 bucks.. then minuc 2bucks [parking fee] we have 41 dollars. and off we went to marina to eat!
YAY.. the seafood is fabulous. we ate and ate and ate.. the bill [excluding drinks] is 41 bucks. just nice. so we thought. and i opened so many lalas that my fingers felt COOKED.. hahaha... [cuz when you open the clam, the soup drips out and anw it's hot]
and so we thought the money just nice! -_-... like. NO IT'S NOT.. after we eat we went back to the car... and we saw the summon uncle!! rawwr... another 30 dollars... sigh. one meal 71bucks.. obviously my dad didnt put parking coupon haha... so sad... wah... even i myself feel so xin tong.. one meal so EX... wad more my dad... =x
slept at two cuz did made me vvv pissed and couldnt sleep... tt's why today so stone.
today, went for 9am service as usual with auntie cindy... then cg... cg ended off with quite a serious note... cuz lingquan talked abt the topic of May [surrendering to God] and its like he asked if anyone has ever came to ask us if we're christians, why we do what we do. yea.. the cg was so QUIET !
talking about May... one week away. God please help me.. i want to let go of evt and let You in..
today's speedlight songs were nice.. esp the "run to You"... actually both the new songs were nice and v meaningful.. then we forgot one row [offering]..of all ppl i had to do standby with alvin[again] and [again] he pushed the job to me.. -_-"" he was like.. "senior usher where got hold door one".. hahaha.. shall be forgiving... =p
lunch with tiff ale vin jacq... teasing vin abt her age [again!!] whee.. so hyper.
and oh, thank GOD... cuz cindy say i can anytime go her house for math tuition. yayness... grinz.
first of may. first of may. first of may. first of may. why dont you distance yourself.. i dun mind time going slower.
maybe it's really time to let go. sigh.
[[dwelling on His grace, love and mercy]]
Life is so RANDOM.
6:57 PM
6:57 PM
"i am father and will always be father"
the Lord is close to the broken hearted and crushed in spirit [psalm 34]
"...and i will wipe away every tear from their eyes"
the complete expression of love.
Life is so RANDOM.
12:21 PM
12:21 PM
wahaha... i'm crazy with deco... whee.
wish i have a room of my own, then i can deco it all i want.
whee i'm hyper.
going to sing for chapel in july... the song is i will run to You... yay..
meeting more idiotic people each day. AND. i dun usually call ppl idiots. my math tcher totally cannot teach, she nags and all she talks about is integrity. bah. tt's partly y i hate math now.
and i'm not the only one who complains. and she is my form tcher. and im stuck with her for two years! rawwr...
choir camp in june ! yayness.
trying not to eat so much. haha... not dieting. but now i know wad is true hunger. food is really a temptation. baa...
talked to someone about someone a few days ago... was reminded of [wwJd]? wad would Jesus do if He were me? i was so fed up with that someone cuz... long story. budden... aft thinking... jesus would forgive her and talk to her about God... prolly. sigh.
like, i cant survive without her in choir. like as if.
another one of my 12-year wisdom [aka nonsense] : humans can never understand experience unless they experience the experience.
okay.. not gonna spoil my mood... feeling more optimistic today. good... off to study + watch tv...
Life is so RANDOM.
7:17 PM
7:17 PM
finding myself in the midst of You
wont You pour down like rain
washing my eyes to see Your majesty.
to be still and know that You are here...
the last thing i need is to be heard..
please speak.
Life is so RANDOM.
9:42 PM
9:42 PM
sandra rocks my socks... dar dar rock too!! whee.
thanking God for sandra; the answer to my prayers.. was asking God for a person who reallllly loves Him and is in lighthouse... and i came to know her in cf. whee. she's so sweet.. prayed for my classmates to know christ, stayed with us when we were doing proj.. and blah. yay..
feeling better today. praise God... (:
new link... to the space where i post meaningful stuff i found... go see!!
[[all i want is to see Your face, all i need is a moment of grace.. it's in You that i have the faith to stand up and be strong
cuz i know im no longer bound.. it's in You that i have found peace of mind, freedom from my sins and the power to love and forgive
i want to walk with You everyday of my life, to talk with You in the good and the strive.. You're my friend, You're my Father for all time.. nothing can keep us apart, You're the lover of my heart...]]
Life is so RANDOM.
8:59 PM
8:59 PM
i want to tell my math tcher tt i'm giving up and im gna fail math.
feel utterly useless, cant even do some math problems [the simple ones even] maybe i really am. cant even pass 2.4km run. while some nice ppl [whom i love] were cheering for me, some ppl were laughing, jeering. last of the whole class. but thank God for mr sim. he's so understanding.
wad an irony. i tell ppl not to hate themselves and i hate myself. ha. better stop it. but i cant. God please HELP ME.
went to mainey's house just now to study. love her and her house. and b4 i got on the bus we hugged each other. i really needed that.
wont someone come and encourage me. need hugs and prayers. thankew...
me: where are You God, when i most needed You, when i am so sick, weak and weary and when everything seems impossible?
God: i was right beside you holding your hand.
imagined that i was running on the beach and i fell. then God came and carried me. it was such a comforting thought.
Life is so RANDOM.
6:59 PM
6:59 PM
this is way too late. my mind hasnt gone into the exam mode yet. bah. i totally have no mood to study even if i force myself to. argh. fed up with self yet again. [when i just told someone not to, two days ago] meeting mainey this friday most prolly, to mug. hopefully tt will get me into the mugging mood b4 it's too late.
so freaking warm today... making me all headachey. grr. now what do i have to do.
-countless math practices. [because i havent been doing them]
-lit essay + scapebook
what am i doing here anyway. why am i not used to sec sch yet. so tired these few days, how to study? i collapsed in bed yesterday once i reached home. couldnt take my weariness anymore. sigh. God please empower me. His strength is perfect when our strength is gone. i can do all things thru christ.
Lord please come and take control of my life. have Your way in me.
Life is so RANDOM.
4:34 PM
4:34 PM
letting go is not giving up. =)
brooded over smth for the whole night. decided to let it go. it's over, it's history, it's of the past.sat down and talked to daddy in heaven and set things right. after that i felt so much better. yup.
today choir pract - audition for parts! arghh they always choose the wrong time.. still sick sia. i failed it terrrrriblyy... ms yee said "you sick izzit? okay you come back another time"
=( nehmind... bleh... but there was a buffet.. the food was v nicE! whee.
oh i chanced upon a song today.. v nice.. check the song page soon.. [the last icon] yup. heex.
yea.. next time... must just be of total transparency to God. he ask, i do. i hope i can do it.... this has happened too many times.
Life is so RANDOM.
8:04 PM
8:04 PM
this morning didnt go well.. firstly i was supposed to reach church by 9.45am and i woke up at 9.30am.. alarm clock didnt ring.. so sickening.. so in the end terribly late.. wanted to cab down but it's so difficult to get a cab here.. baa.
then, cellgroup we had a "debate".. adam and eve- who sin first? vv interesting.. blahblah.. fast forward. speedlight... had to give up my whole row.. and somemore, they say must put one thing on very seat.. wah i telll u i practically emptied my bag... hahhaa... praise and worship was good... but.. haiyah dun want to talk abt it.. the same old thing.. going to pray against it. bah. sermon v interesting.. v funny.. haha... sat beside lq and in front of ernie... ernie tried to scare me.. while lq was vvvv lame.. -_-.. cindy came, and her tag was stolen by lq.. dun want to return somemore.. so mean. haha..
after tt, lunch with vin avian tiffy ale and eunice.. heh... then guitar.. blahblah.. went to hougang mall to eat... buy some stuff..
there goes sunday.
this song really reminds me God's presence in the speedlight camp..
[[let it rain, let it rain.. open the floodgates of heaven..]]
Life is so RANDOM.
7:57 PM
7:57 PM
saw this short flash show.. almost cried.. called the father's love letter.
http://www.fathersloveletter.com/fllpreviewlarge.html
[father, i cant explain this kind of love, this kind of grace
i know i still break Your heart and yet You run to welcome me
this is my song of praise to You
for who You are and all that You do
from the moment my life began You have been faithful
father i love the way you hold me close and say my name
i know when my life is through
my heart will find it's home in You]
this song touched me lots... rmb the story about the girl who went to cg and glad tt the guitarist chged the song? haahaa.. yup this is the song. (:
gotta fix my computer.. quite frustrated.. alot of virus.. norton dun delete everything it finds somemore... sian..
[in heaven] he will wipe away every tear from their eyes. there will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain. ~revelation 21:4
Life is so RANDOM.
4:58 PM
4:58 PM
Life is so RANDOM.
11:49 PM
11:49 PM
i know everyone miss me.. lol... i finally fixed my internet... yay!
bla. so, for the past week, i've been taking neos with vivien (yay), sang for chapel, lead for sunday cg pnw, fell long ago. went shopping with tiffy on sat at raffles city for alena's bday... wad else.
sunday had been fun fun fun... oh whee... actually the past week had been fun... alot happened but i too lazy to type out. haha.. MC on wednesday... offically fall sick.. so germy! cough, sore throat, stuffy/runny nose, watery eyes [this one has improved, thank God]pls pls keep me in prayer.. thanks.. (:
got so many things to thank God for, like the "mini" praise and worship in the office on sunday, my polyclinic fees [i tot i notenough money] my gang...they are so sweet!! called me thrice on wednesday using the payphone to ask how i am.. heex... and my class almost got detained by Mr Wee.. ALMOST! and oh, the 4th council investiture..tho i wasnt part of it.. really felt God's presence right there in the hall.. when pastor wee demo-ed wad is it truely a leader should be like.. [think: Jesus washes his diciples'feet] and cherlene is the head of the council this year! God bless her.. (: yup yup... God's blessings!
oh yah, i rcv-ed a "revelation"... haha... it's like, tt day i was trying to fix my net, and then i finally gave up.. i stared at the comp screen lah..stoning.. and i saw this little blue mountain, hidden [or rather, camoflaged] beside the green big mountain. [haha, if you use my destop pic you'll know..called "bliss"] and i realised, sometimes we just see what is before our eyes, dwell on our probs... and we never notice wad's in the distance, the solution.. aiyah, go try chg your desktop pic...if u usingXp.. you'll know... (:
but today.. sigh. achieved close to 0.. slacked and slacked.. gave up on my algebra sums... and on the Periodic Table. hahaa..
today.. joagathon so siannn... yah.. got alot alot of things to say but i lazy.. hahaha...
[[i stand in awe, so amazed.. totally changed by Your presence forever.. everytime i look into Your eyes i see a glimpse of what i always wanted to be... let me be changed..]]
Life is so RANDOM.
11:23 PM
11:23 PM
haha i think i'm becoming v spastic. lol...
i just LOVE monday eng lessons, cuz it'll always turn out to be a very gd discussion... about newspaper articles.. (:
today, we discussed about 2 things: home schooling and terri [the woman who died after being in coma for 15 years] and touched just a little on the Pope.
for home schooling, teacher asked us to list disadvantages and advantages. i raised up my hand and shouted "CAN USE LIQUID PAPER!" [haha cuz my school dun allow liquid paper and i hate tt rule] mrs uan rolled her eyes at me and moved on. lol...
about terri, we discussed whether mercy killing is right.. from alot of points of view - religious, suffering, money etc.. i talked on the religious part; cuz in the end it's still murder. removing the tube and all.. the sad thing is tt terri's not a christian. ): thou shalt not kill ah.. hahaa...
i think if i have to write en essay on the above topic, my essay will be i duno how long. hahaa.. talking about essays, got lit and the stupid chinese thingo to do.
then after school, went to mavis's house... miss her sia.. haha.. watched abit of happy tree frens.. lol.. so grosss... and blah. off to algebra. (:
Life is so RANDOM.
7:18 PM
7:18 PM
haha obviously i SHOULD NOT be here but i just cant resist it. =p [got tons and tons of cheena]
feel so blessed... God has blessed me with people of my div, people from the ushering ministry... people people.. blah blah... and mostly LAME people, that can cheer your day up. so here's a thank you to tiffy, vin and alvin! oh wheees... [haha tho alvin dun really understand how he did cheer me up but who cares] heex.
so anyway, got scolded by alot of cg frens today.. cuz cindy laa... tell me to tell them tt meeting at 10.15am, but in the end it wasnt SO early.. haha.. they were like "sheryl!! why you ask us to come so early?!" lol.. yup.. first divsion meeting of 2005 was today, 10.30am. haha the icebreaker was so lame.. you're supposed to play sissors paper stone with another person, from another cg. if you lose you stand behind him/her and it goes on and on... until the whole div was in one longgg line. ling quan and claudia were the icebreaker ic lah.. so he was saying, "you all know how to play sicssors paper stone right" everyone said no. hahaha.. =p
then, was praise and worship.. and the drama.. vv funny...
then was the message... then speedlight. ushered today.. haha same problem. blk b is always duno why cant fill properly.. but it's better today.
then debrief, lunch with paul cindy and lq.. then pract for next week.. in the office blah blah blah.
so NOW, i've to tackle a whole pile of chinese hwmk. ying yong wen, tingxie, zuo ye, and the stupid worksheet... plus ancient hist. warrraaggghhh... hate chinese hate chinese...
btw, it's nice to die of laughter and i'm dying of laughter.. hahahaha... good right? at least, you pass on with joy and not sorrow..count thy blessings.... =)
Life is so RANDOM.
5:46 PM
5:46 PM
it's so cool.. my dad gave me a box of pendants he made himself.. not exactly lah.. it's like he melted glass marbles and shaped it into pendants... yay.. going to wear one of them tml.. (:
and oh, just to share this psalm;
Psalms 100
shout for joy all to the Lord, all the earth. worship the Lord with gladness; come before Him with joyful songs. know that the Lord is God. it is He who made us, and we are His; we are His people, the sheep of His pasture
enter His gates with thanksgiving and praise; give thanks to Him and give Him praise. for the Lord is good and His love endures forever; His faithfulness continues through all generations
such a short psalm but it encouraged me lots. okay.. back to ancient history. =)
Life is so RANDOM.
4:51 PM
4:51 PM
i wonder if they were thinking of what i feel...
haha, anyway i had too much practice in putting up a false front; they'll never know what i really feel..
felt so damn irritated by them... all the crap i have to go through. it's so argh.
why everyone else is perfectly healthy, without the stupid curved spine, and why why why.
now everyone who comes my house will ask why is that red rope there. hah.
i'm trying to act like it's no big deal, but it's NOT. ='(
stupid therapy. stupid spine. stupid braces.
feel like banging the wall again. i guess it's just best that you help me pray i wont. thanks.
feel like crying. sigh.
oh, maybe, it's just the pride.
oh well. who ask myself, born like that. feeble and weak.. so yup, it's my fault. ha.
lalala.. found out a truth today.. everything's my fault.. haha..
i think, it seems to you tt i'm talking nonsense.. if you dun understand the above it's perfectly fine.. there's no need to understand... haha..
Life is so RANDOM.
2:07 PM
2:07 PM